


Cost Effective

by Azilver



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Alternate Universe, Bargaining, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-15
Updated: 2015-05-08
Packaged: 2018-03-13 02:40:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3364667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azilver/pseuds/Azilver
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Elizabeth makes an interesting bargain.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Bargain

Elizabeth gaped. Her jaw just hung there. She wasn't sure if it was even attached anymore, yet alone of anything else. Staring back at her, innocent as a newborn, Lord Sheppard raised one dark eyebrow. She wasn't fooled one moment, not any longer. The man may come off as easygoing and not too bright but he was far more dangerous than that. 

When Major Lorne had returned through the gate and informed her of a planet that was very willing to trade she had thought they had finally stumbled on some luck. Then, when he had introduced Lord John Sheppard, she had thought that this may be one of their best days on Atlantis. He was the leader of a highly technological people, as Rodney had put it. Ancient-like technology. And Elizabeth had thought he was going to have a spontaneous orgasm just standing there explaining the technology he'd seen. God but was she glad he wasn't there right now; too impatient to wait while they negotiated.

“Excuse me.” She was stuttering, she never stuttered. “You are serious?” 

“Thoroughly.” How could someone so...so devious look so much like a sweet but naughty boy scout? “Lord Sheppard, I am sorry but our people are not in the habit of trading other people. We abolished slavery on our planet quite some time ago.”

He looked generally surprised at that. “I have no intention of enslaving Dr McKay. Surely you can see how such an agreement would benefit both our peoples: an equal representative among my people, our people.” 

Elizabeth sighed internally and reached for her headset. “Dr McKay. Report to the conference room.” Silence, then a mumbled affirmative. Shaking her head, Elizabeth could not believe that she was even considering this, but the man was right. Add to that the fact that, aside from sharing information and being allies against the wraith, there was little else that Sheppard's people wanted in trade. 

Idly, she noted how his apparent second in command and he were having a whispered argument. Feeling that it was her duty, Elizabeth pretended to read over the agreement again while actually eavesdropping. 

“My Lord, there is no need to do this. There isn't even a precedent for it.”

“McKay will be of great worth to us, Ford. He understands the technology left to us by our ancestors better than even our own people.”

“I do not doubt that.” Was that admiration in his voice? “However, your people may not be as pleased with his skills alone. You do have other priorities, as well.” There was definite importance placed on the word priorities. And there was Sheppard's flippant grin again and what did it say about this situation that she already recognized it? Ford didn't look happy about it, either. “It's not like I can't take care of that little problem myself.” Yup. Ford did not like the sound of that at all.

Elizabeth was getting a bit put out with all the innuendo. And almost swore in relief when the door slid open to allow the entrance of one Dr Rodney McKay. Of course, he didn't look too impressed to be there. “Elizabeth, could you explain why you interrupted me when I was just starting on a very important project? I have been off world for more than a few days and already the labs are a mess. I cannot be expected to work under these conditions and control all those simpering fools who somehow managed to get basic degrees!”

Gesturing for him to sit, she watched as Sheppard's grin became even wider as he watched Rodney. What on Earth, or Atlantis for that matter, could they want with the most 'snarktastic' (O'Neil's description, not hers) man to ever exist? Sure, he was undeniably brilliant, a certified genius as he often reminded them, but sometimes his personality made her want to throw him through the nearest wormhole. 

Sheppard at least had his looks to back up his personality, which she was realizing was anyth-Oh. 

“Oh.”

“That's all you have to say? “Oh”! I have very important work to do and there is no way that Radek could possibly finish it on time by himself.” Elizabeth just stared at Rodney. “Elizabeth? What is it?” He rounded on Sheppard who continued to look incredibly self-satisfied at the situation. “You didn't do anything to her, did you, because that's not like the very peaceful intentions you promised.”

“What, precisely, would Dr McKay's role be, what would it require of him?” Her gaze didn't move from Rodney's confused one but she damn well felt Sheppard lean in from his sprawl. 

“My consort.” 

The collective gasps and groans of the representatives told Elizabeth that not everyone was aware of Sheppard's intentions towards Rodney. “My lord! This is ridiculous! How can he carry out the duties required of a consort?” Even she winced at that. The man obviously did not know that it was very dangerous to question Rodney's abilities. Whatever abilities those were that were being questioned. 

“Excuse me? What, is my superior intelligence frightening to your macho manliness? I realize- wait!” Rodney turned on the grinning lord. It was at moments like these, when his whole attention was focused on something, that Elizabeth saw how truly frightening and dangerous Rodney could be. “What do you mean by “My consort”?”

It was no wonder the man didn't seem to have any relationships, he just couldn't see when someone wanted him, and Elizabeth would eat one of Ronon's boots if she wasn't reading Sheppard right. Maybe they could get more out of this little trade if she played her cards just right. 

“Consort. Husband. Spouse. Legal equal. Familial partner. Barer of my offspring, well, actually I'll probably have to do that 'cause you don't have the gene and all.” The duh expression on Sheppard's face made her want to smack him. 

And cue manly McKay faint. 

In the end it was agreed and if she was in shock, Elizabeth felt she had a right to be. They had agreed that they would be allies, share technology and ideas, trade foods and medicines, and basically become one people. As the lord had argued, they technically were, human. What she was having difficulty putting down on paper was that they had traded their head scientist, the most brilliant mind that earth had to offer really, to be the consort of their new allies leader with the promise that he would produce the required heir and spare. Now, she just had to explain that to the SGC.


	2. The Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Before Elizabeth made a real interesting bargain, John met Rodney.

He's the lord of a whole freaking society and he still has to wear freaking robes! That's just not right. He was happy and comfortable in his normal clothes, but no, they had new visitors from another planet. Hence, shiny bathrobe. He didn't care if it was damned ceremonial! It had embroidery on it for Ancestors sake! 

At least it was black.... Mostly.

“Will you stop pouting? Just be glad you don't have to wear the rest of the outfit as well. You really look bloody awful in gold pants. Bronze though-” John just glared at his seconds second. The blond barely came up to his shoulder but she was still one of his best advisors. However, at this very moment, he didn't feel very appreciative of that fact. Alila had been the one to find and escort the visitors in, hence the god awful robe. 

“They're from another planet, 'Ila. Somehow, I doubt they'd recognize if I was wearing formal clothes or not.” And no, that wasn’t a whine.

Looking over at his second, John allowed Alila to adjust the stupid robe so that nothing of his day clothes showed. “Ford, what can you tell me about these people?”

“Four people, small for an expedition. Three warriors and one scientist.” Here the darker man frowned. “Though, to be honest I couldn't tell who their leader was. The dark haired male warrior seemed to be but then the scientist opened his mouth and...I've never heard anyone speak as much or as long with one breath. He'd make councilor Nid look like a babbling three-year old.”

“He's fascinating though!” Alila enthused as she tightened her gauntlets. It was kind of interesting that his two best friends and advisors were such polar opposites. Ford was dark skinned, softly spoken, blunt and calm. In comparison, Alila was snow white, mouthy, eloquent and never stopped moving. Actually, it was weird. “He never stopped talking about our technology, wanting to know everything! He must be very smart, since the others were always deferring to him when I told him about us. Oh! And he's really funny, snarky, with these really clear blue eyes.” She grinned at him, her voice almost a purr. “You'd like him.”

John snorted. She was supposed to be the tactful advisor. 

*****

“Lord Johnathan Sheppard.” He really hated how they introduced him. It was John. Or that royal pain in the ass if you were the council. 

A dark haired man in some sort of uniform stepped forward. “I am Major Lorne and these are my teammates.” The one he assumed had been the one Ford had thought was the leader began. “Teyla Emmagan, Ronon Dex and Rodney McKay.”

“Dr McKay.” Well, now he knew who the scientist Alila had talked about was. Not that that wasn't obvious and he really did have pretty blue eyes. “Yes, yes. Very nice to meet you. How do you do? And all that. Formalities out of the way? Good. Great.” John fought hard not to laugh at the choking looks on both McKay's team’s faces and on those of his own council. The man got straight to the point, well, sort of. He liked that. “We're here to offer trade relations. Foods, medicines, technology, that sort of thing. Interested?”

John grinned. “Oh, yeah.”

Alila whispered into his ear. “If you're going to take the scientist, can I have the big, bronze guy?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction using characters from Stargate Atlantis. I do not claim any ownership of the characters or world, I am just borrowing them and this story is for entertainment only and is not part of the official story line.


	3. Jack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Elizabeth made a real interesting bargain, she had to inform the SGC.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (funniest) Lines marked 1 and 2 are courtesy of burntcopper

“THEY WANTED WHAT?”

Really, Jack doesn't see what the big deal is.

“Er, yes, well,” Woolsey coughed. “McKay was wanted for, ah, stud duties....”1

Well, ok, yes, there was that.

Not that he could blame this Sheppard guy. Jack knew very well how appealing too smart geeks could be. Not that he found McKay attractive. Well, maybe. Sometimes. The guy had a really great ass and very nice eyes. 

“Who exactly is this John Sheppard?”

Militarily speaking, the kids of a certified genius would be very beneficial for any society. He’d read McKay’s file, the smarts were genetic.

“According to Dr Weir he is the leader of a very advanced society from PX671-2615. He appears to have had military training and possesses the Ancient gene, something quite common for his people, apparently. His father was their lord until a few years ago when he passed away. Sheppard’s generally popular amongst his people and the society is peaceful.”

Very cool. From what Jack had read the guy was willing to let some of his people work on Atlantis and if the gene was so common it would really be useful. 

“And what does this have to do with, and I quote, “as consort to Lord Sheppard, Dr McKay will sire his heir and one other offspring, at the least”?”

He was wondering about that as well.

“Uh...according to their scientists, with the right assistance, the gene also enables males to be impregnated....”

And wasn't that an uncomfortable silence. He'd never seen so many higher uppity ups turn that particular shade of pink. 

Huh. 

Wait. The gene did what? Right, Danny was so going to start investing in condoms. Over-fifties did not carry the kids. He was too afraid to ask how they gave birth.

“With respect, sir, trading with these people would be greatly beneficial to the Atlantis project and to us.”

Well, that certainly went without saying. McKay's own report stated his new love-affair with their technology. If only a begrudging wave of acknowledgement of his consent to the whole fiasco.

“Colonel, are you suggesting we just hand over Dr McKay to these people? As some sort of, of, of broodmare!”

Somehow, Jack didn't think the good Doctor would mind too much. Not if it meant some shiny new Ancient stuff to play with. The ‘stud duties’, while probably highly flattering, were another matter entirely.

“Well, actually, sir, Sheppard has stated that he would have to be the one to, uh, get pregnant.”

It was probably a good thing that the whole Stargate program was international. It meant that DADT was a no no. It just figured that eventually they'd come across a planet where there was no proverbial fence and, apparently, men could have babies. Go figure. Though, there was that one Goa'uld....

“This is madness! Sir, we can't possibly allow McKay to just be handed over, like some slab of meat, to people we know nothing about! He knows too much about us.”

Well, duh. The man had practically written their systems. Then again, these people were supposed to be very advanced. They'd have to be to get McKay's approval. They could probably do stuff without having a genius scientist handed over to them, gift-wrapped.

“They're offering to share resources, man-power even, sir. It's really a win-win situation: we get trading partners, allies against the wraith and someone with equal power amongst Sheppard's people.”

And how exactly did that happen? SG-1 goes to some planet and they get shot at and kidnapped and drugged. McKay goes to one planet and he lands up hitched to said planet’s king! No fair.

“Besides, I don't think Sheppard will be able to put up with him for too long, anyway. It’s McKay. Who could?”

Well, that wasn't particularly true. Yes, Jack wasn't McKay's biggest fan but the man was scary smart and funny. Jack considered himself a connoisseur of snark and sarcasm, a veritable devotee of all things snarkastic. He could appreciate a snarky man with a great ass.

“Yeah, what is wrong with this guy? He must be crazy.”

To actually want to have McKay's kid? Yeah. Pretty much.

“According to Weir he is, a little. Devious, sarcastic, smarter than he looks and the closest thing to a McKay match she's ever met.”

Now the whole wanting to get it on with the scientist (well, any scientist other than Danny, that is) thing made a whole lot more sense. He got the feeling the two men deserved each other.

Jack sighed and spoke up for the first time,“Would someone please pick Carter up off the floor. It's undignified to have a colonel rolling around on the floor of the gate room laughing like that.”2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction using characters from Stargate or Atlantis. I do not claim any ownership of the characters or world, I am just borrowing them and this story is for entertainment only and is not part of the official story line.


	4. Rodney's in Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elizabeth made a real interesting bargain, which Rodney isn’t very happy about, and John is determined.

Rodney's freaking out and he believes he has every right to do so. Elizabeth had no right, no right whatsoever! He, Dr Rodney McKay, renowned genius, was not a commodity to be traded and sold for any price. Besides, slavery was inhuman and derogatory. 

“Shut up, Zelenka. It's not funny.” And it wasn't helping that his so-called friends thought his arranged marriage was hilarious. At least he didn't get married accidentally, like that softy Jackson. Then again, he did land up with a really beautiful wife. Rodney was gaining a husband with the very real possibility of children. He shuddered at the very thought. 

Eugh. Kids.

“Come now, Rodney, it cannae be as bad as you say.” Damn Carson and his happy-go-lucky attitude. That, and his knowing grin. “Yes. Yes. I don't know why you find my suffering so amusing. Well, fine, just you wait. I'll be happily working in some lab on PX-gayville and then something will happen and the city will start sinking or the ZPM will get fried or something, mark my words. And then where will you all be without me? Huh?”

Zelenka, the traitorous Czech, was still curled up in his chair giggling. From his place leaning against one of the tables Rodney was able to place a rather effective kick to the man's chair legs. 

“Goddamn it.”

When even the sound of Zelenka squawking like a little girl didn't amuse him, Rodney knew he was in trouble. He made his escape quickly.

***

...And ran straight into his would-be spouse. 

Damn karma. But the little Czech deserved it.

“Hello, Rodney.” Did Sheppard (he refuses to call him John) just give him the once-over? This was insane! 

“Look, I don't care if you come from the planet of the over-sexed gay Neanderthals. I will not be bartered around like some medieval prisoner of war.” That just gets him a slightly confused look and a pout. Personally, Rodney thinks that's actually kind of cute but he's not going to acknowledge that. He’s not allowed to like Sheppard, and he totally has a romantic side, no matter what Zelenka says, he's just locked it away in the back of his mind, where it is starved and tortured regularly. 

“What is “Medieval”?” And if he threw his hands up and nearly screamed, so what?

“Just...never mind. What do you want...now?” Sheppard fidgeted slightly, looking for all the world like a five-year old who'd done something naughty. 

“Ford suggested that I...that is,” He took a deep breath and looked Rodney in the eye. “I think it would be a good idea for us to get to know each other.”

“What?” For the first time in a while, alright, since he'd woken up in Elizabeth's office, he was absolutely flabbergasted. And did Sheppard just blush? Cute. Wait. No, not cute! 

“Uh, well, you see since we're getting, uh, unioned? I thought maybe we could, um, talk?”

Really, he shouldn't even be considering this but the man looked so hopeless and nervous. His cat used to make that same face. “Fine. It's not like I have anything better to do, like stop Atlantis from sinking or figure out what the strange ancient device sitting on my desk does.”

“Great!” Sheppard's smiling at him like that five-year old kid again, except now he looks like he was just handed a new toy. Either the man was a complete idiot (and as far as he's concerned that is a distinct possibility) or he just didn't get the sarcasm.”My people just brought over a self-medicating module. Maybe I can show it to you?”

How sad is it that Rodney has fallen so hopelessly in lust with their technology that he'll even ignore having to spend time with Sheppard? “Fine. Just as long as I'm allowed to eat.” Rodney swears the man's going to unhinge his jaw with all his grinning. 

They walk towards the transporters in silence. What is there to talk about, really? Sheppard wants him for his genetics, that's all. Wouldn't be the first time he was put into a situation where he was wanted for little else but his intelligence. Hell, that's why he was on Atlantis in the first place. And it wasn't like he was attracted to the man either.

Casting a quick look from the corner of his eye, Rodney can't help but notice the hair. It was one of the first things he noticed about the man when they'd first met. That and the dress he was wearing. He really hoped that he wasn't going to have to wear one. 

Sheppard's hair is an enigma. He's not really sure if the man's using hair gel or if it's....natural. In his minds-eye he's drawing graphs and solving equations that point to how exactly it defies the laws of nature and physics. Then again, it might just be Sheppard. Rodney's pretty positive that no one else on that planet had alien-life form hair. 

Another peak and oops! He just got caught but...Hey! Sheppard was looking too! The man might have an excellent poker-face but he's not a genius for nothing. Social skills aside, Rodney knows a nervous look when he sees one. So, what did that all mean? In his experience, problems should always be faced head-on.

“Hey! What was that?”

“What?”

“You were looking at me, why?”

“You were looking at me too, you know!”

“That's not the point-”

“Yes it is.” 

“And how exactly do you figure that?” It's a totally useless argument but Rodney wants the smug bastard to understand that Rodney McKay is not a pushover. Sheppard was pouting again. Rodney had a hypothesis that idiot-grin and child-pout were the man's only two settings. Really such a pity for such a nice mouth.

“Look, the transporter. We can take it to your lab.” Right, he thought that was plan to start with. Obviously Sheppard at least knew when he had lost. Very useful trait that.

The rest of the trip was uneventful, they traded short sentences about their surroundings and otherwise ignored each other. 

***

The labs are empty and that's to be expected at this hour. Even the scientists have to sleep sometime and it is Rodney's lab. If he's not in it he doesn't like anyone else to be. There's very delicate and possibly dangerous Ancient stuff in there. 

Sheppard waves open the door and gestures for the other man to precede him. Rodney huffs in indignation (he is not a woman!) but walks in anyway.

The object Sheppard mentioned is sitting quite conspicuously on his desk. It kind of reminds him of the personal shield he found once. Except it's not green and looks more like a bracelet or gauntlet. Like the gauntlets he's seen Sheppard and most of his people wearing. Hadn't that blond woman- Aly, Anita, Alina?- worn two? Well, if they were supposed to be self-medicating it would only stand to reason that they'd have to be worn against the skin, didn't it? That way they didn't cause any obstruction of the body movements and (here Rodney could not help but groan at how the military-mind had rubbed off on him) possibly be used for protection. Really, their technology was so like the Ancients, well, not totally. It wasn't nearly as advanced or complex but it was pretty good. 

Adrenalin raising his heart rate, he sat down by his bench and reached for his tools. Fascinating. Oh! Yes, it responded to stimuli, the 'legs' closing slightly as he pressed down on the 'belly'. Must work on nervous impulses, perhaps heart rate? No, too random. 

“It responds to impulses felt through the skin.” Well, at least that proved he was right. Big surprise. He'd totally forgotten the other man was there. Now, he just leant against the table, arms crossed and watched Rodney intently. He was starting to understand how his MRE's felt.

“Yes, I figured as much. These little depressions here,” He indicated them with a pick. “are part of the delivery mechanism for the medication.”

“Yeah. You get hit and Wham! It injects painkillers, infection killers and something to help with the healing.” Almost shyly he motioned for Rodney to hand it to him. “Here, I'll put it on you.”

“What? This has to be studied, I don't know what it could do to me.”

“Look,” Sheppard was suddenly angry, his brow furrowed and stance stiff. “I brought it here for you. A present. If something happens to you it will help, alright?”

Oh, that was ...nice of him. “If you insist.” Admittedly he was a little unnerved by the sudden change in the usually laid back man. 

Holding out his arm, Sheppard took the arm piece and placed it against his skin. He was suddenly glad that he was only wearing a t shirt (and how great is it that they've finally come across a people who have also invented the t shirt?) and not his usual jacket. Rodney wasn’t sure how he'd cope if Sheppard started removing his clothes, even if it was just to bare his arm. Immediately, the 'legs' closed around his forearm and he felt a cool pressure where it rested. A soft beep and it started to emit a blue glow which faded after a moment. 

Nodding to himself as if reassured by that, Sheppard looked back up at Rodney. “It just scanned you, checked your vitals so it knows your normal health status. That way any abnormalities will be obvious.”

It was a really interesting invention, like all of Sheppard's people’s technology. Such beautiful, elegant and complicated technology. He was in love. Looked like he'd just have to marry the man who owned it all. She'd be there, waiting for him.

***

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction using characters from Stargate Atlantis. I do not claim any ownership of the characters or world, I am just borrowing them and this story is for entertainment only and is not part of the official story line.


End file.
